


8 Weeks

by grasspun



Category: High School - Fandom, Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-14 22:51:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10545686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grasspun/pseuds/grasspun
Summary: 8 weeks is a journal entry about graduating high school and dealing with things I've never had to deal with before.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is garbage lol i started writing and then had no place to go with it

A collection of thoughts is all that I have been in these past few moments. There are too many things to think about and due dates to meet for me to function like a normal human being. At many times I wondered if all people feel the way that I am feeling right now. Constantly meeting deadlines and worrying about what comes next in their life. Do adults really ever enjoy themselves? Is there such a thing as a stress free life? As I walk throughout the halls of this broken down school I can't help but to be overwhelmed by everyone else around me. The same routes I've taken to get to the same classrooms suddenly feel so different. It feels like I've been punched in the face and knocked back into a reality that no longer exists. I walk in the same steps that I took when I was a completely different person and I can't believe what I have become. There are faces that I see that don't have any names and it's a new feeling than it was four years ago. Four years ago I thought that I'd be here forever, but now it's almost time for me to move on and I'm stuck hoping that I could go back in time. I wish I could go back and tell myself not to rush. There's no point in hating everyone here and wishing to get out as soon as you can because when it comes down to it, this place is the most familiar in the end. Eight weeks is all I have left here, and everything is happening to soon.

Over the years I've found new trauma, new best friends, new drugs, and new hobbies. I've never been the kind of person to share much with anyone, but after holding everything I've been through in for so long (so so long) I feel like I could scream it all out. I'm tired of pretending that I can handle it all on my own, because the truth is, nobody can do it all on their own. Everyone needs a space and a creative outlet to let everything out. Whether it's in words or in art, saying what's on your mind is one of the most relieving experiences.

In my freshman year I was the smallest I've ever been. I only spoke when it was absolutely necessary and the affect it had on me still carries over to this day. I still get timid when people raise their voice or when I'm faced with an uncomfortable situation. 

My sophomore year was the worst year of my life so far. I developed a drug addiction and was in an abusive relationship with someone who still constantly lurks in the back of my mind. I did drugs for about a whole year and to this day I still experience withdrawal. Withdrawal is an experience which I wouldn't wish on anyone. Some days are harder than others, but the fact still remains that I crave it everyday. The first and only relationship I have ever been in happened this year and it has destroyed a lot of things for me. This year in general made a lot of things harder for me than it is for other people. 

Junior year was a time of recovery and learning how to enjoy little things with people who were important to me. I met people at this time who changed me for the better and I will never be able to tell them how thankful I am for that. 

I'm not sure what my senior year has been, but I made a lot of good memories and accomplished things I never thought I could have. 

I've grown to accept and find comfort in my home. There was a time in the past where I hated everything about where I came from. I rejected the things that made me who I am and it made me hate myself because of it. Over time I slowly fixed myself and brought myself to enjoy the things that I hated. Certain areas in my home hold a strong significance and make me feel sentimental to the point where it hurts to think that I won't be able to experience it anymore after I leave.

High School was not a good time, but it also was not a bad time. My graduation feels bitter sweet as I say goodbye to my friends and I feel the large absence of my older brother. Nobody truly knows how hard it was for me to say goodbye to him for almost a whole year, but I miss him more than I will ever miss anyone else. 

I still have 8 weeks, but it's not enough time. I feel like I owe something to myself and maybe that's why I'm writing this in the first place. I also feel like I owe an explanation to the people around me of why I act the way I do and why I change my moods so quickly. I don't have enough time or energy to tell anyone why I exactly act a certain way or what events led up to me having a certain characteristic, but I wish that I did. The thing I want most in this world is a person that takes no energy out of me to be around and is able to quickly grasp the reasoning behind my actions. It may be selfish of me to ask that, but all I need is that one person. After all these years, I realize now that moving on is essential to finding them. I'm not sure if that would fill the gap for what I've felt missing in my life, but I'm willing to give it a try. Even now when I think about how much I've changed I can't believe where I ended up. High School really was a life changing thing for me and I hope that as I move on with my life I'll be able to continue to grow in this same way.


End file.
